“How much can God give me if I am not open to receive? When I hold on to a problem, a fear or a resentment, I shut myself off to the help available to me. I will loosen my grip on something today. I will let go and let God.” From “Courage to Change”
Have you ever been amazed at how someone facing a life threatening illness seems to have unwavering perspective on life and what really matters? Lest you think for a moment that I am that girl, let me be the first to burst your bubble. I was truly hoping that I would magically turn in to that girl when I got Leukemia ( there have to be some perks, right?). Well, doggonit, how is it that I can trust God to cure cancer but not to be in control of my bills, my kids grades and friend drama and whether Berkeley gets himself lost in LA and what sports Bennett will play when he gets to high school. HIGH SCHOOL. He isn’t even out of 8th grade yet!!! Maybe it’s because I absolutely know I have zero control of my cancer, but have somehow convinced myself that if I just work a little harder and mind other people’s business a little better, then maybe I could exercise my control in those areas. This is truly “”self-will run riot”. Lord, save me from myself and help all of us trust you with all our worries and fears.
My heart is not proud, O lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother is my soul within me…Put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore. Psalm 131