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woe is me

I had some really deep, clever things planned to say in my blog today. Instead, I am pouting. I am finally home from the hospital and am feeling sorry for myself? Craziness. First, let me just say that being in the hospital without chores or errands or real life responsibilities is not too bad if you don’t feel sick ( more to come on this subject this week. It really does warrant a whole entry in and of itself). Anyway-just having a little pity party about the fact that I am bald like the lady in the preview at church this morning, that i can’t plan a summer vacation or even an outing for this weekend in case my blood counts drop,  and other people get to live or move somewhere sunny. And then there are the more rational thoughts about how I am probably the only one who battles doubts or fears  or disappointment on the parenting or marital or relational front. You see how this path ends…actually, it never ends. It just gets darker and more unclear until I start believing that GOD is letting EVERYONE ELSE have a pain-free, problem free and financially fabulous life EXCEPT ME. I suspect that there might be at least one other person who has felt this way?

My devotional reading for the day is a comment from God on the matter:     Sometimes My sovereign hand-My control over your life-places you in humbling circumstances. You feel held down, held back, and powerless to change things. You long to break free and feel in control of your life once again. Although this is an uncomfortable position, it is actually a good place to be. Your discomfort awakens you from the slumber of routine and reminds you that I am in charge of your life. It also presents you with an important choice: you can lash out at your cirucumstances-resenting My ways with you-or you can draw closer to Me.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  I Peter 5:6,7

*Oh-and I just remembered I have to go give myself a shot in the stomach. %&^!#  🙂

7 thoughts on “woe is me”

  1. I’ve not battled, Leukemia, Heather, but I have battled just about everything else you mention here. I appreciate hearing your heart. I hope you know how many people care and are praying for and pulling for you. Thanks for including the devotional readings that offer some insight and encouragement.

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  2. welp…(isn’t that the cool way to say it?) all I can say is you’re human and some days we all fall short! Would totally feel the same way if it was me although I’m not sure I’d be as great of an example on keeping my focus on God like you do. You’re a great testimony! Besides…who looks as sassy in a wig as you do? 😉

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  3. Heather, as long as you are here with us, we don’t care about your appearance. Just praying for your comfort and getting well asap! I would like to stop by sometime if that is ok, I’ll call you. Luv Karen

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  4. I think most of us battle fear, anxiety and doubts at some point in our lives. We are all human and need to learn to draw closer to God, especially in times of trial. Kayla has had that same verse (I Peter 5:7) posted on a bulletin board in her room for years to help her through health issues and many worries and fears. Praying for you daily — hoping you sickish feelings pass and blood counts stay where they need to be.

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  5. amazing that you lift me up when you are down. I can’t help but hear your sunny delightful self in the midst of your self pity (which probably lasted 30 seconds). Thanks for making my day. I will make plans to beautify your back patio with your artistic guidance. You are the cutest bald lady I know, by the way. Keep making your plans – if they need to change a bit, so what. God’s got you- even as your little, lighter, self -pity hairless self, and He’s smiling at you, knowing the best plans of all for you. xoxoxoxoxoxox

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  6. Pout away, girl…God hears and receives an honest heart. Real is good. Thank you for sharing the devotional. It’s helpful to those of us who have far less to pout about but still do!!! Still praying for your journey and recovery.

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