REVOLUTION TIME…

I “came to” in ICU on March 1st after being semi-unconscious and intubated for about a week. I remember it very distinctly, though my perception of reality was most likely not very accurate. I didn’t remember going to ICU or WHY I was in there. I didn’t see anyone in the room that I recognized. I watched silently as 3 nurses with masks on talked quietly and intensely to each other. Every once in awhile they would come and roll me to one side or the other and then type furiously on the computer. After what seemed like an entire day, It dawned on me that if no one I knew could come in the room for 12 hours, that these women must be trying to save my life. I must be dying. Eventually, my parents came in and, since I couldn’t speak, i began writing down questions: where was everyone and why had they all been gone so long? They assured me that they had all been there 24-7 for the whole week and that I had only woken up an hour before they arrived. It was about 8 am.  I had only been in the room without my family for an hour, yet it felt like ALL DAY.  When you are suffering, time crawls by. I have been on both ends and so have most people. Most of my life has been spent rushing around from month to month thinking, “it’s January/February/March already? Where did the time go?”  In the hospital things went very slow because I was in pain or scared or just plain waiting to find out if I was going to respond well to chemo. I think about how often I have run through life ( usually whining about my busy schedule) self-focused and frenzied and “meaning” to call or send a card to a friend who is hurting or sick or addicted or depressed or dying. Now, Before you start feeling guilty for not calling or sending a card to ME even though you have been “meaning” to, please stop. This isn’t about getting you to pay attention to me. It’s an observation I had about how TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN ( and by FUN, I mean life without debilitating physical or emotional pain or denial thereof) and DOES’T FLY so much when you aren’t. Haven’t we all had a time, or times, when one minute felt like an hour; one day felt like a month; a year that felt like a lifetime? It’s a reminder to me that even MY situation with Leukemia is not as difficult, painful, sad, or complicated  as someone else’s life might be at the same time. So, please don’t call or send anything to me as a result of this observation. Again, this is not about ME…BUT, please ask God WHO it is that you have been “meaning” to contact and then do it. While we all have legitimate reasons that we have been absent for too long, remember that waiting one more day for you doesn’t feel the same for them. Swallow your pride and get over the embarrassment of showing up late. Do what you know is right and leave the rest to God. They may tell you to take a flying leap. That’s not your business. Just do it because it’s the selfless, other-focused thing to do and that’s what Jesus did everyday. He does that for you and tells us to “do as he has done.” I have a few people to get in touch with so I need to go now. Love to you all. Let’s start some sort of REVOLUTION in Illinois, Arkansas, California, Canada, Indiana, Colorado, Nevada, Missouri, Kansas, New York and Oregon ( those are just the few places where I know some of you live who might be reading this…) I promise not to be so bossy tomorrow. 🙂