February 6th

During the night I had some thoughts I wanted to share regarding “waiting.” Then, while on a bike ride ( you read that right….more on that later!) I had some other thoughts about Neil Diamond ( you read that right also…more on THAT later!). Well, as I was looking for some great insights on waiting ( since I am terrible at it) I decided to check out what was written in my Oswald Chambers Devotional for February 6th. In case you have forgotten, that is D-Day for Leukemia. Maybe it’s just me, but these authors seem to write things just for me, just on the day I need to hear them! I think I might have skipped that reading back on February 6th, but reading it today made me cry. I knew immediately this is what God wants me to say.

Here’s the title: “Are you ready to be offered?” ( Um, not really). The main verse is 2 Timothy 4:6: “I am already being poured out as a drink offering.”  The offering they are referring to would go on an altar, not in a plate passed at church. “The altar means fire-burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, The destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. YOU do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. WHEN THE CRISIS ARISES, YOU REALIZE THAT THINGS CANNOT TOUCH YOU AS THEY USED TO DO. Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.”

I am NOT saying that I  believe God gave me cancer so I could be used by him. But for whatever reason, He allowed it and is using me in it because I am willing to be OFFERED. This is not the equivalent of those crazy thoughts we have about God: “What if I turn my children over to him and then he makes them get in an accident/a disease/ or die?”. Or the infamous, “What if I turn my will over to him completely and he makes me be a Missionary in Africa?”. I have had those thoughts. That’s when I realize that I have designed my own God…and He is a terrorist. This is not the gracious, loving God described in scripture-who sent his son into this *%#%$ world to live and die for my brokenness.

Life happens. In this world we will have trouble. It’s a promise. But He has overcome this world. The best I can do is offer myself to Him to be used as I deal with life on life’s terms.

I love the verse that follows 2 Timothy 4:6…”I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.” I am ready to be OFFERED.