Change of Plans

Oh my gosh. I had just the BEST plan for an entry today. Then, I had to go and stick my nose in someone else’s business. After I did that, I decided to do my 3 readings for today. Since everything I was reading seemed to touch on (or focus) on minding my OWN business, I am pretty sure that’s what i am supposed to talk about today. Maybe-if I can manage to keep my big trap shut and stay out of trouble-I Can use my other topic tomorrow.

So, here’s how it went down. I was driving with my husband (no, this is not about me telling him how to drive…that’s for another day) and we were chatting about neutral stuff. And then I asked one of those “trapping” questions: “Do you still find me attractive even though I am chubby and virtually bald?” (or something to that effect). He just kept driving, silently, and looking straight ahead. But I could tell the wheels in his head were trying to figure out how to answer. Finally, he said something like, “I don’t feel like there is any way I can answer that question safely.” There was a LOT of other discussion after that. Most of our conversation, which tipped heavily in my direction, involved me telling him what he SHOULD think and how he SHOULD view me and even what men in general SHOULD value. He listened patiently, probably afraid to give any more opinions on anything remotely controversial. Then, luckily, my mom called and I answered. Saved by the bell.

Fast forward to my readings. In ALL three readings, they addressed this issue. At it’s core, the problem is “minding other people’s business instead of my own.” More specifically, it’s about acting as if I am responsible for, or have some authority over someone else’s thoughts, convictions and actions. Let me just refer to a book called “courage to change” regarding this idea (and yes, this is the reading for TODAY. Isn’t God just hilarious?):  “I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried to impose my will on those around me? There is only one person I am responsible for, and that is me. There is only one person who can make my life as full as possible-that, too, is me. Today I will keep hands off and keep my focus where it belongs, on me.” Mmmmhmmm. It gets worse. Listen to my buddy Oswald; “Are we playing the spiritual amateur providence in others’ lives? Are we so noisy in our instruction of others that God cannot get anywhere near them? We have to keep our mouths shut and our spirits alert.” Good grief. In other words, stop trying to do God’s job for him. I am not my husband’s, or anyone else’s personal Holy Spirit. You know-that still small voice in your head or heart that prompts change, transformation, humility, growth, etc.? Not my job or yours. As we often say in recovery, “the only person I can change is myself, and I’m a full-time job.” We talked a few days ago about concept of “if any of you is without sin, cast the first stone.” Same principle. We all have just a couple issues we could spend our time a-fix’n. When I try to “help” the other guy change, I interfere with the plan God has designed to bring about that change. I am usually pretty certain that His plan involves me, but 9/10 times it doesn’t, especially if the lack of change is negatively effecting ME. My helpfulness (read: interference) will most likely prolong the change of heart and distract them from the changes God wants to address first.

Well, anyway, I am pretty disgusted that I came across these readings today since I have 5 more hours in the car and 7 days with my husband and kids to practice this. Oh-and how did my 3rd and final reading address this topic? i guess it was more directly related to my “car” story and why men think the way they think. The author, (who is actually talking about God’s love for us…but humor me) says, “This is a deep mystery; do not try to fathom it.” 🙂

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