“I’m not fat, I’m fluffy!”

Well, maybe a better word would be “puffy”. Please refer to my previous blog entitled, “Fat-Suit” so that you can fully appreciate these follow-up thoughts. Before I was diagnosed with Leukemia, I was unfortunately mis-diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. The main marker in determining this was my RA factor, which basically tells you how “puffy” or inflamed my joints are. The normal range is between 0 and 14. Mine was 842. Very NOT normal. Since I am now recovering from Leukemia, we suspect that the inflammation was due to cancer, not RA. I had my RA factor checked last week and they told me it was 142. Still not normal, but  I’d say 700 is a good drop. I called my oncologist to see if he thought this number was still high due to residual effects of Chemo. The answer: absolutely.  It turns out that my “fat-suit” isn’t actually fat after all. It’s chemicals and drugs and my bodies’ reaction to Leukemia. What wonderful news! I told the nurse that I was just getting ready to do some hard-core dieting so I could fit in my winter clothes. She told me not to worry about it because it was just going to take some time. I can’t control the rate at which I “deflate”. When I begged for a projected end to this foreign body, she said, “it’s hard to say. It’s different for every person.”

Here are my take aways:

one: I, we, all have a certain amount of “inflammation” due to toxins and chemicals (sins and defects of character) that cover our “real” selves and,

two: we all shed this layer of foreign substance at our own pace. It’s different for every person, just like with chemo.

We each have our own unique process of sloughing off the poisons that prevent us from being who God designed us to be at our core. This will take a life time for most of us. A lifetime of inflammation and deflation as we navigate, humble ourselves, surrender our will and take it back again-over and over and over.

Oh—but friends…We have a patient, understanding and forgiving God, who does not give up on us or put a timeframe on our recovery. He does not wish that any of us should perish. Our soul disease is like my Leukemia: cured. But there are still remnants of it that take time and prayer to rid ourselves of. He will do it in His time. We just have to be willing to show up for the treatment and take care of ourselves in ways that promote healing. He alone can reduce the swelling in our “fluffy” and inflamed souls.

One thought on ““I’m not fat, I’m fluffy!”

  1. Heather, I like this entry for so many reasons. One there is the spiritual truth you pointed out that God works all things out in His time. But I think it’s important to note your “fluffiness” is not within your control, it’s the result of a health condition. I feel like this is an important thing we all need to keep in mind when we look at others. Human beings are quick to judge the appearance of others. However, it’s important to remember there’s a lot more to a person than you may know. You never know what health problems a person has. Their weight may be due to a genetic condition or a side effect of a medication that is vital to their health. I agree people should do their best to care for their bodies, but it is important to refrain from judging.

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