Does anyone else seem to have to learn lessons the hard way? Good grief…
So, here’s how it went down: yesterday morning I had fantastic idea for a blog rolling around in my head. For some reason the word “interfere” came to my mind during, um, church (sorry, God.). The more I thought about this word, I realized if I were dictating the word “interfere” to my phone it might be translated to the text as the words “inner-fear”. Sounds the same when spoken. And so of course, thinking about words and their meanings caused me to look up the definition of “interfere”. Here it is: “to take part or intervene in an activity without invitation or necessity.” Some synonyms are to “barge into, pry into, intrude into, get involved in, encroach on, impinge on.” None of them sound very positive if you ask me. It occurred to me the times I have interfered in someone’s life or business, the root has primarily been a result of my own “inner-fear.” Fear of not getting what I want or someone not doing what I want or losing something I already have or think I have control over.
Fast forward to when I returned home from church about an hour later…I walked right in my house and did exactly that to my poor, unsuspecting husband. I accused and assumed and “intervened without invitation or necessity.” It was awful. Even as the words were flowing out of my mouth, I was already regretting them (anyone relate?). I felt physically sick over my reaction to my own “inner-fears” that drove me to “interfere.” How often have I done this to people? Sometimes we can tell ourselves that we are doing it for their own good. But, in actuality, we are giving advice and direction and “help” to people who haven’t asked for it. This is not loving. It is self-serving. It’s an attempt to alleviate my own sense of feeling powerless. I want to have some control. I want others to do what I think is best for them. When we interfere, we get in the way of what God is trying to do in them. In Recovery, we talk a lot about “hitting your bottom.” Getting to the place where you are so low, that the only direction you can possibly go is up. When we interfere out of our own “inner-fears”, we interrupt that process and possibly distract and deter those around us from what God is trying to do in them. Interference is an attempt to make ourselves feel better; To squelch our anxiety over another person’s actions or lifestyle. It is not loving, as we often claim as our honorable excuse, to butt in where we don’t belong.
I tend to have to learn things the hard way. Please God, let this experience be a turning point for me. I am tired of having to “Re-learn” it (and so is my husband, probably….).