This is not one of my favorite memories, but it certainly is one of my most vivid. When I went in to the hospital with Leukemia, to say I had a lot of hair would be an understatement. I had an enormous amount of long, blond hair. Most of the time I kept it on top of my head in a bun while I was in the hospital. When I was taken to ICU and intubated, my hair stayed in that bun for a week. Un-touched. Un-brushed. Un-washed. Needless to say, when I “came to”, my hair was one giant dreadlock. When we put a comb to it, it came clean out of my head. We poured an entire bottle of conditioner on it, hoping to detangle it a bit before we continued our unraveling attempts. Some tangles were just too far gone. We called in my sweet friend who does such things for a living and she came to the hospital and gently, lovingly, shaved it all off.
I have felt a bit “tangled” myself lately, and, as usual, God pointed out a couple of readings that gave me some clarity. He gave me the words to put to the condition of my mind and heart. The first memo came through one of those divine accidents. I opened to a page in one of my daily reading books and it said, “The world is too much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, TANGLING your thoughts in anxious knots.” My first reaction was, “That’s interesting. I just read about being TANGLED a few days ago.”
As I tried to find the previous entry, to no avail, I realized I had inadvertently skipped to MAY 24th instead of MARCH 24th. I was reading the “wrong” day 2 months ahead of time. But it wasn’t the wrong day. It was exactly what I needed to hear…twice. The previous entry (actually MARCH 19th) I had been remembering said something similar: “Let the Spirit take charge of your mind, combing out TANGLES of deception.”
This idea of me being Tangled and God being the ultimate De-Tangler creates a great visual for me.
Lately my soul has been ruminating on issues out of my control–lots and lots of them. When I cease to release them into God’s hands as they arise in my worried head, they become matted. They form a snarl so tight and complex that there seems to be no other solution than to get out the clippers. But what other people (including me) CAN’T do, God CAN. My job is to relax and turn it over. If I am impatient, try to force a solution before it’s time or comb through too much of it at once, it doesn’t end well. The knot gets tighter and tighter until I end up doing something rash.
Today I sensed my knot was reaching that level of nappy-ness. So I gave up. I relaxed. I prayed. I read. I turned off the phone. I meditated. I slowed my mind and my body. I cried. I let God work out the TANGLES that can turn me in to a wild-child! I am not sure I have brushable locks yet, but I’d say I dodged the clippers for now. Who knows. Maybe if I can remember these times, I will be more apt to turn the worries and cares of this world over to Him as they come and I can avoid the dreadlock altogether. It’s really not a good look for me, anyway. 😉