I am typing one day post-Mother’s Day. I had it all in my head yesterday morning but no time to write because I had big plans with my momma! It was a perfect day. So here are my belated Mother’s Day reflections…
I remember my first Mother’s Day as a brand new mom. It was only one week after I had my son Berkeley, who just turned 21 a week ago. How exciting it was to celebrate that day from a different vantage point. But I have to admit something to you; until he was in my arms, I wasn’t entirely sure that I was cut out for mothering. I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up longing to have her own children and participate in all the activities that came with it. I just knew that it felt like it was “time” to have kids. So we did. But I worried a little about if it would be a good fit for me. Even a few weeks before I gave birth, I recall being highly offended by a co-worker who suggested that even though my plan was to continue working after I had kids, it’s possible that I might think differently once I actually held a baby of my own in my arms. How dare they think I would be “just” a stay at home mom! Apparently I also insisted that I would never ever ever drive a mini-van (we are now on our 3rd van and I love it). I also want to point out that I have never had a clear cut passion about what I wanted to do with my life. You know how people ask, “If you could do ANYTHING at all, what would you do?”? Well, I have never had an answer to that. NOTHING sparked my interest in any specific way. This felt irresponsible and lazy to me, but I still couldn’t come up with the career or hobby or cause that others seemed to have.
And then I had a baby. And that was that. For the first time in my life I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I just couldn’t know it until the time arrived. I hate to admit it, but my friend at work was right. I did not even consider going back. I finally knew what I was supposed to be doing.
As I was doing my reading this morning, it highlighted this very principle; God will reveal His plan in due time. God asks “do you trust Me to orchestrate your life events as I choose, or are you still trying to make things go according to your will? If you keep trying to carry out your intentions while I am leading you in another direction, you deify your desires.” To often I make what I want, or trying to figure out what I want, the goal of my life. I am not saying that we should just sit on our duff until then, it just means that as hard as we try to figure it out or plunge into our own agenda for our futures, God’s timing and His plans for us will meet us at the perfect place. And until that moment comes, we receive what He brings us with an open hand. We look around at where He is working and who it is He wants us to work with.
My recent journey is a good reminder of this principle; The perspective that God uses our circumstances, favorable or not, to mold us and direct us. I certainly did not plan my future around Leukemia or Addiction, but nevertheless, this is where I was lead. And the fact that I am sitting here writing a blog and am currently publishing 109 previous blogs, is evidence that regardless of the plan I have for myself, God’s plan is almost always different. And even though I wouldn’t have chosen it ahead of time, I also wouldn’t change the path that brought me where I am today. You might be in the middle of that journey, and quite possibly thinking, “Oh, no, I’d really like to get off this painful path, thank you very much. Becoming a ‘better person’ is over-rated.” I get it. But hold on a bit longer. Maybe your passion, your purpose, is just around the corner. And you can’t know it until you get there.