My yoga meditation for today was “today I am ENOUGH, and I trust you with my future”. Mine are always some sort of reminder to “get God in there” as I start my day. This one is particularly powerful for me at Christmastime, a time when I feel sub-par in multiple areas. Maybe you have been feeling it too.
I have caught myself worrying that I don’t have enough money to buy this or enough to pay for that (now that I just swiped my credit card). I am certain I don’t have enough hours in my day to finish my shopping and get everything wrapped in the next 6 days. I feel like I am not a good enough friend or neighbor because I haven’t baked one cookie or Christmas-y treat for them, or for my own family, for that matter. I haven’t celebrated enough with people I care about; I haven’t spent enough time sitting quietly in my living room enjoying my Christmas tree and I haven’t done enough holiday activities or engaged in enough of our usual Christmas traditions. I haven’t reflected enough on the real reason for the season. My home doesn’t look enough like a Martha Stuart catalogue. I haven’t sent enough Christmas cards out (ok-so zero Christmas cards is legitimately “not enough”) and I am scared to death that I’ll realize on Christmas Eve that I don’t have enough presents for one of my kids (because we all know everything has to be even). Oh, and did I mention that lately I haven’t gotten enough sleep or eaten enough fruits and vegetables or worked out enough? Sigh…
You might say that I need to relax and lighten up. Take it easy on myself, for pete’s sake. You might be right.
But isn’t this the battle we all feel drawn to engage in during this single month of the year? We feel like the answer to the question, “When is enough enough?” is “never” when it comes to the scramble of the holidays.
One of the reasons I do not feel “enough” is because I compare myself with others and determine I don’t measure up. The other is because my expectations are unreasonable, unrealistic and unattainable. When I focus on trying to meet such expectations, I feel less than. Like a failure. Like not enough.
Today (and I will try not to wish I had practiced this meditation soon enough to enjoy this season more fully) I will remind myself again and again and again that who I am and what I have done is enough. It’s enough for me and enough for others and most certainly enough for God.
I promise it will be worth the wait.