November 2, 2022

When I woke up this morning, the day I was to fly home from a week of vacation in Las Vegas with family, my first thought was that I was ready. Ready to get back to a regular schedule and regular life. My second thought was a reminder to myself, having experienced this mindset in the past, that often God gives us the gift of relaxation and downtime so we will be prepared for what is to come.

Sometimes we come home to chaos, tragedy, stress, and challenging circumstances. Today was not the exception.

I saw I had missed a call from my oldest son Berkeley at 6:48AM. I figured it was a butt-dial since he didn’t answer when I called back.

A couple of hours later he called again. He had been hit by a driver late the night before while walking to his car. He was left in the street and someone, we don’t know who, called 911 but did not stay to help.

That’s hard on a mama’s heart.

I now understand why we started a blog to update people on my cancer status in 2015. When tragedy hits, and you are loved by so many, you just can’t keep up. We immediately asked for prayers and we know we are getting them.

I think Blake and I are still in a bit of a state of shock so I don’t know if any of this will make sense, but typing my thoughts is what has helped me since I started doing it when I had cancer, so I just can’t not express myself this way.

I just keep praying, “God…”. And that’s as far as I can get.

We know from firsthand experience that God is in control and we are not. We know where our help comes from and that we can do this thing with Him or without Him. We also know we need people to come to our aid and our rescue.

I have been doing a lot of teaching and sharing with various groups lately. One of my latest messages was titled: Trusting God in the Trauma. I may need to refer to it immediately after I finish this post.

One of the points I made is haunting me a bit right now. You see, I had been pouting a bit (or a lot) last night because I was invited to go to a Barry Manilow concert and meet Barry himself (Sort of bucketlist item for me). Well, I went and before we even got in the auditorium we were informed that the show had been cancelled. It was rescheduled for today, at the exact time I was scheduled to fly back to my home in Illinois.

I was pretty disappointed and sad about it. The irony of this is not lost on me. In my “talk”, I share about “the day before cancer”. My son’s basketball team had lost a very important game and the boys were devastated. So was I. I remember wondering how I would ever get over that loss.

The very next day I was diagnosed with leukemia.

That annihilated the previous angst pretty quickly.

We never know what is coming and would be wise to be grateful for today’s problems because it can always be worse.

My sadness about missing Barry is gone.

How I wish that was my biggest worry right now.

For now, I think I found my words.

I will practice praise and pleading:

Dear all-mighty, all-powerful, all-knowing God….grant us mercy, patience, forgiveness, trust, resilience, hope, grace, peace, comfort, clarity, wisdom, serenity, strength, gratitude, perspective, guidance, gratitude, and healing of heart, soul, and body. (Repeat and repeat and repeat)

(I will be in touch soon. Check my facebook page for updates. Love to you all. Be grateful for today’s blessings.)

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